mrd

How come you never hear anything about the 10th reindeer “Olive”?

Olive?

Yeah, you know, “Olive the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names”.

Once upon a time in a village, a man appeared and announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for $10 each.  The villagers seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest, and started catching them. The man bought thousands at $10 and as supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their effort.

He further announced that he would now buy at $20. This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching monkeys again. Soon the supply diminished even further and people started going back to their farms.

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In the beginning God covered the earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, with green, yellow and red vegetables of all kinds so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.

Then using God’s bountiful gifts, Satan created Dairy Ice Cream and Magnums. And Satan said, ‘You want hot fudge with that? And Man said, ‘Yes!’ And Woman said, ‘I’ll have one too with chocolate chips’. And lo they gained 10 pounds.

And God created the healthy yogurt that woman might keep the figure that man found so fair…

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It was at the end of the school year, and a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils. The florist’s son handed her a gift.

She shook it, held it overhead, and said, “I bet I know what it is. Some flowers.” “That’s right” the boy said, “but how did you know?” “Oh, just a wild guess,” she said. The next pupil was the candy shop owner’s daughter. The teacher held her gift overhead, shook it, and said, “I bet I can guess what it is. A box of sweets.” “That’s right, but how did you know?” asked the girl. “Oh, just a wild guess,” said the teacher.

The next gift was from the son of the liquor store owner. The teacher held the package overhead, but it was leaking. She touched a drop of the leakage with her finger and touched it to her tongue. “Is it wine?” she asked. “No,” the boy replied, with some excitement. The teacher repeated the process, taking a larger drop of the leakage to her tongue. “Is it champagne?” she asked…

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Have a calculator handy; or you can use your head.

Here is a clever way to determine a person’s age. Try this out on yourself, after which you can use it to determine anybody’s ago (for the remainder of 2008 anyway).

This will only take a minute…

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A busload of politicians were driving down a country road when all of a sudden, the bus ran off the road and crashed into a tree in an old farmer’s field.

The old farmer, after seeing what had happened, went over to investigate.

He then proceeded to dig a hole to bury the politicians.

A few days later the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus, and asked the old farmer where all the politicians had gone…

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A guide to understanding all those confusing investor terms we keep hearing

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Three women and three men are travelling by train to the football game. At the station, the three men each buy a ticket and watch as the three women buy just one ticket.

“How are the three of you going to travel on only one ticket?” asks one of the men.

“Watch and learn,” answers one of the women.

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Definitely for men only! Here are 9 “female vocabulary explanations” that all us blokes should know. At best these will save your relationship… and at worst make them a whole lot better! Enjoy…

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